Sunday, October 31, 2010

I'm not saying I don't have anyone to trick or treat with.. I'm just saying... I just don't want to.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Ahh herro

Sorry. Haven't been in the mood lately. Got really tired... and lazy.. But I'm gonna be more deep.... I think.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day 6- A letter to a Stranger

Dear stranger,

I don't know you. hence 'stranger' But I would love to get to. Maybe your interesting? Maybe your a bitch. I want to hear all your secrets tumble out of your mouth. I want to become best friends with you. I want to have sleepovers every weekend, staying up till dawn, and sleeping in past daylight. I want to be with you 24/7.

Considering your not a bitch.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Day 5- My dreams

Well. I have really weird dreams. Like one time I dreamed that statues of lions came alive and tried to eat me, but I was to fast for them because they had been statues for too long. Suck on that Lions.

But my dreams are to become a vetranarian. Thats also my parents dreams. I want to write though, write about sweet stories of horses surviving tragedy, or cute bunnies being found in a dogs mouth. The simplest to the most thoughtful things imagined. I would also love to swim. I love being a mermaid and it would mean the world to me to still swim in 20 years. Those are my hopes and dreams, lost in the world of reality.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Stop saying it was rape. Because that was not rape. If you think that was rape you have no fucking clue. Compare the two. Rape is wayyy different then what happened that night. It almost pisses me off how say that. Just STOP.

Day 4- A sibling or a closest relative

Alex, your my older brother. I love you even if you don't know it. I support you in every which way. We have our moments, usually giggling under blankets with a flashlight and a fail of a fort. Almost like the movie sibling love, the one we have always secretly wished for but covered up with hate and beatings. You make wrong choices. Then scare me with your new personality before you get embaressed and act like your usual self again. You share secrets with me, even if it is only when your drunk. We have a bond like no other, I hope you would find this someday. The other day you gave me a hug for the first time in years, I even cried a little. Your embrace was like heaven to me, when I get sad I think about it. You never know how I feel about you, but you can tell when somethings up.
I love you Alex.

xoxo, your only sister.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Wrong hole, dumbfuck.

Day 3- A letter to My Parents

I wish you understood me. It would help a lot. I wish you would check. It would explain everything. I wish you would care. It would make me stop.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Day 2- A letter to your crush

dear crush, I have NO idea who you are. But when I do, I guess I'll have to tell you? :)

I don't know who you are.
I wish I did.
I would tell you all my secrets.
And we could wish away the world.
We could see each other everyday
And blush at the each others names
We could go to the beach and be alone,
not scared of awkwardness
I don't know who you are.
But I wish I did.<3

Thursday, October 21, 2010

i am so tired.. i want to die in a hole. Goodbye world.

Day 1- Letter to my bestfriend

I am gonna start off with saying, that I have other best friends. I feel bad picking only one. But Ella just really sticks out on the crowd and no matter what can always be there for me.

Ella, you make my life. Whether it starts off with your funny comebacks, hanging with the guys, or having the guts to tell me anything to everything. I love you. No matter what, I can talk to you, even if it involves disrupting you and Hugh.  I can't even describe in words how important you are to me. I can relate to anything with you, and you can do the same back to me. I tell you everything, and know your listening. You are so special to me, I can't even describe it in words. I love you, and.... GET SOMEEEEEE.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I am writing a book. I don't have a name for it. So as I am writing this, it is a file on my laptop named 'book'. Yeah. Creative, huh? My book is weird. It is definatly not something you could see a 13 year old girl writing about.. But if you must know, its about a guy who is in a war, and was shot, captured by the enemy, and locked up into a cell. He then meets a rat, that goes from cell to cell to see people. Everyone in the place knows and has seen this rat. His goal is to escape and kill the guy that had shot him and nearly killed the rest of his group. Tell me if you want to read it, I would be happy to post it. But its a bit gory, but I have to say one of my best work.

I feel like I must.

I think a blogger kind of has to do this? or maybe its just me. but lets try to not fail.

  • Day 1 — Your Best Friend

  • Day 2 — Your Crush

  • Day 3 — Your parents

  • Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

  • Day 5 — Your dreams

  • Day 6 — A stranger

  • Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

  • Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

  • Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

  • Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

  • Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

  • Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

  • Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

  • Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

  • Day 15 — The person you miss the most

  • Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

  • Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

  • Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

  • Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

  • Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

  • Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

  • Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

  • Day 23 — The last person you kissed

  • Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

  • Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

  • Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

  • Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

  • Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

  • Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

  • Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

  • i start tommarrow.

    Tuesday, October 19, 2010

    KiD cUdI

    Have I ever said I was obsessed with him? No? Well I am. He amazing, and I love him. He came out with a new song, Erase Me feat. Kanye West. Best.Song.Ever. It sounds like nothing he has ever done before, but I am in love with it. I kind of already know all the words? Yup. Pretty much. Buy it. Love it. Share it.

    Monday, October 18, 2010

    Adventure Time!

    Adventure Time! This picture made me really happy, and I thought of Ella. Yes ella, be jealous and feel free to re-blog to enter it into the world of Tumblr!

    Saturday, October 16, 2010

    (Fill in the blank) Disorder..?

    This picture says so much on how I feel. If I show this too her, this is the only way I could ever explain it.

    How can I tell her? How can I even bring something like that up? She doesn't even know what I've done to myself.. I could have two things.. I don't feel normal, i feel so fucked up. I feel so awkward. I laugh inside when people look at me and don't even know a thing about me. I hate it when you think I'm crazy for things I have done at my age.. I feel so different. So out of place in this family. I feel like no one knows what I am going through. I feel so stupid. I know this isn't a hormone thing. I know it. Why do I have to feel like this? I feel so wrong... Why do I feel the way I feel? Just give me an answer? Why?

    Thursday, October 14, 2010

    Gay, Straight, Lesbian, Bisexual..

    Oh choices, choices.. Which one to chose?
    But thats not why I am writing this, I am writing this because people always say Gay is ok, and Lesbian is too. But then they go on with Gay people are awesome and they are so cool! I love gay people. And, yes, I am gonna admit that I used to too. But that really stood out to me. If people are so cool with other people being gay, then why do you act like they are some different species? Yeah their personalities may be awesome, but any person could have an amazing personality, this person just happened to be gay and you wanted to say that. Yeah, I used to say Oh I want a gay best friend when i am older! But think about, gay people are just people. They just get an adjective to put in front of it that people like to look for. If you are talking about gay people, think about it, and see if that person says they are awesome and i love them! But then i hope you think of this and say Gay people are people. They just get an extra adjective to put in front of it. I hope you notice that too. I know it really stood out to me. 

    Wednesday, October 13, 2010

    I Hate You

    I Hate Her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. Yes, I know how strong the word hate is. But she is a bitch. I hate Her. She has no right to share that information with him. She has no right to judge me like that. She can't tell me what to do like that. I can't wait to get out of here. I can't wait to get away from her.  I need to be away from her. She can't judge me like that or say things like that. She can't share stuff about me about down there to him. I hate her.

    But I guess thats what comes with having a mom..... i hate her so much.


    I went music shopping yesterday FINALLY. and got some pretty awesome songs heres some:
    Crank Heart by Xiu Xiu
    I luv the valley OH! by Xiu Xiu
    Grass by Animal Collective
    The mending of the gown by Sunset rubdown

    Enjoy! I know you'll love them!

    Tuesday, October 12, 2010

    PoSt TiTlE hErE? I'll pass.

    You know that group you have always wanted to be in because they all have the one thing you have always secretly wanted? Maybe all the guys, eternal friendship, good grades, skills, ect.. You may be happy with who your friends with, i know i am, or you may be looking for a way out... Well lets cut to the chase. I want that talent. I want to be able to skateboard up ramps and do 360's I want to do that. I want to be on Rob Dydrek's Fantasy Factory jumping into the foam pit. I want that totally hot but careless look. I want to go on rails and be boarding at insane speeds with the wind in my hair and not feeling out of place when i walk into Zumies. Now, I am not saying I want to get into drugs or alchol or anything, which is almost racist when you associate the two. But I do want to skateboard, so bad I twitch everytime I watch the show. But I guess thats life?

    I hope your as passionate about something too.

    Monday, October 11, 2010


    I was bored, sorry I keep calling people out like this. I just got some inspiration by a song and I remembered this picture. Enjoy. :)

    Love youu girlllllllll<3

    Sunday, October 10, 2010

    I apologize

    I am sorry. I over-exaggerated. I really liked him. He was so sweet to me. But then we hung out, and he is one cocky bastard. He wants something that I am not willing to give him. Ever. He's trying way to hard to get in my pants and I am wondering if its all just an act now. I thought about it all last night. If you are good enough for her I am no where good enough for you. I want you out of my life faster than you came in. You want to much that I don't want to give you. You want to be alone with me. But honestly, I don't even know you. You don't go to my school. We have met once before this. I feel like your just trying to get her jealous. I don't want you anymore.

    Whats wrong with me?
    I feel like I am pregnant with a declawed baby tiger.
    I hate medicine.

    Saturday, October 9, 2010

    Crushing harder than a rock

    I am so glad I met you. I was so confused at first. You made me look like dumb shit in front of my friends. But you told me it was to protect me. I will believe anything you say. I will want to do anything you want. I want to be alone with you. But whenever i see you looking at me, I feel like we are alone. I know you felt the connection too. I know you say something in me 3 months ago at the party. I know you broke up with her for me. When ever I text you, and when I am writing this right now, I have butterflies in my tummy. I hope this turns into something. I hope you read this and don't find me an idiot. I like you a lot. I know how my friends feel now. I hope we turn into something more than friends. I will fight for us. We already have jokes. And i know you will protect me against her. You say the sweetest things to me, and it hasn't even been 24 hours.. How do you make me feel like it's been ages?

    Friday, October 8, 2010


    Bleh (2)

    bleh. Got cut in the leg ON ACCIDENT. Went to the ER, cant swim for 10 days. Must wear sweatpants for 10 days. Got infected, now i have to drink this nasty medicine that makes me throw up and not only kills the bad bacteria but also the good bacteria. Now my throat throbs everytime i drink that medcine and I have to take a pill to get the good bacteria back. I HATE SCISSORS.

    Gillian S.

    Gillian, you made my day at recess today.

    I love you.
    I hope this made you happy. :)

    Thursday, October 7, 2010



    Yes. I understand. I am FUGLY. I hate my face and my body. I am actually kind of bi-polar about my body. I hate it. I hate my chest. I hate my stomach. I hate my face. But i love my thighs, and arms. Somedays i will keep the thought out of my mind and ignore it.  Somedays I will refuse to wear shirts and just put on a tank top and sweatshirt to cover up my fatness. I hate looking at people who's boobs are tumbling out of there shirts and bras with their flat stomachs under it and say why can't I be like them? But other days I am proud to be different and laugh at people who look at my flat chest confusingly. But my face. My face looks good with my makeup caked on and my hair flowing around it. But with my hair and bangs up, my glasses on, and zero makeup. I understand when people call me ugly. Why can't I be like those gorgeous girls with perfect bodies and all the boys wanting to FUCK them. Why do I have to pretty much cover my fatness with layers of clothes? Why? Give me a reason.

    Tuesday, October 5, 2010


    Dude, words can't explain our relationship that developed so fast.
    I want to admit to you that I didn't even know your name in the beginning. But we had already clicked.
    I don't want this to end, I want us to be friends and only friends. Every time I see you in the hall, a feel my self blush and I try to hide my smile. But I don't like you.. I love you? But only as friends. Your my best friend ever :) You make me so happy, your hilarious. I want to hug you, but I'm not sure that it would be the right thing to do. I love eating paper with you and freaking out the teachers. I love it every time we talk and run out of things to say that it gets awkward. I love how we can talk and feel like the only two in the room and let every thing else disapear around us. I love your hair and how you poke my back to scare me. I love you as a friend and I hope it won't end...

    Monday, October 4, 2010

    Whos gonna hit the home-run first?

    How come our school is SO perverted? Well, maybe perverted isn't the right word.. I guess far, like BASES far. Lots of girls like to play baseball at our school (if your following me [and no, this isn't meant towards YOU]) But girls at our school just get so horny, i mean its kind of ridiculous. How come so many girls have gone so far at the age of 13. It makes me wonder what is going to happen next year, and the year after that.. and if anyone is going to get pregnant....


    You are bad at making decisions. You just need some help along the way, because you know the right one your just not sure if you should chose it. As of being your friend, I have noticed that you put people before yourself. "Well, i want to chose him, but then I don't want to hurt him. You always go along with a lot of things because your scared it might end if you don't. Your a great friend, with a great personality and I know that you know the right and wrong decision. Your just having trouble putting your foot down. I'll always be here for you. I hope this made you smile, babe.

    Sunday, October 3, 2010


    "Everyone has a secret." 
    How many times have you heard that saying? 
    Well, its kinda true. Some people's doesn't matter, some peoples does. Some peoples secret can affect them in specific occasions (AIDSSS) Some people's affect their everyday lives.. Thats me. Well, it feels like it. Even if I may not show it, i hate myself for my secret. Sometimes I feel like people look at me different for it.. Maybe it's because i feel like everyone knows... All because I told one person. Of course I am not mad at that person, if you knew (which you probably do) then its kind of a hard secret to keep closed up. Or maybe I am just a forgiving person. I mean I am friends with the boy. I find it interesting to hear just how much the story has been changed between person. But i feel like people judge me by it. I don't want people to not like me just because of what they heard about me. I used to hate myself for it but I guess over the years I learned to just live life and not live in the past. But what can i say? Maybe secrets are just life?

    Friday, October 1, 2010

    World of Jenks

    I thought this show would be bad, because i mean it looks so cheesy. But this show is amazing, its emotional and heart touching. I started crying, they really let you get to know the character and explain it as it goes on. Not to mention the theme song is the best one possible.