Thursday, September 30, 2010

From flat to fat

Heres my body: head, neck, flat chest, fat stomach, down there.., big thighs, knees, big calves, and then my huge wide feet. My body sucks. What people don't get is that, i understand I'm flat. I don't care, i make fun of myself with my friends. And other people joke around with me. Everyone thinks its the end of world if they had my chest. But you don't see me dying do you? Sure i want to have something, but I just think to myself its gonna come some day. And then i laugh it off. :) But then you go further down my horrible figure, you will see my fat stomach. So I swim, i swim everyday sometimes twice a day. Its making some impact but not enough. I deal with it, I hate it when people call me fat. Thats the one thing i can't take. When my skinny friends call themselves fat, that also makes me uncomfortable. I am constantly trying to hide my stomach but it doesn't work because I always forget, but if nothing works I'm going to do 8 minute  abbs. :) hehe I'll try it out and tell you guys how it works out ;)


How come I have so much to say about you but never have the words to say it? How come every time someone says something mean about me I feel like its you? How come you blame everything on me, when its obviously you? How come you don't even smile when you see me in the halls? You make me feel like I'm the one causing the problems. When we know that I am obviously not.


I have a fear of squirrels. They are so scary, some run from you. But some stay, and bark. THEY'RE SO SCARY. I was with my friend and my dog was wrapped around a tree barking at a squirrel and the squirrel came right next to my head and started barking. I thought.I.Was.Going.To.Die. My friend laughed, but i had to wait like 5 minutes before my dog unwrapped her leash. We then ran to the end of the block and almost fell down laughing. I looked back and the tree and the squirrel was running after us. We sprinted away laughing. But i almost pissed my pants I was so scared...

Sunday, September 26, 2010


Cutting, i LOVE cutting. Its a great hobby. Oh, I'm sorry, i love cutting T-shirts. Give me a pair of scissors and a T-shirt and I will transform it right in front of your eyes.. I like to call myself the future Adam Saaks, even though I am no where near his level... Here are some pictures! sorry, horrible model.


I am glad i know, too. I feel sad and helpless in this world full of cruelty. But to know that YOUR not normal, makes me feel... safe. I feel glad to be here. I feel glad to have a life. I feel glad to live in USA. I feel glad to live in a house. I feel glad to have a family. I feel glad to have friends. And i feel glad to have you. But even if you do that, even if your still a skinny girl everyone sees, I'm glad its not worse. You know what I'm talking about, and I am glad that only you knows what I'm talking about. I won't try to stop you, but help you through it. Because if we are random friends, we are... perfect. Not that cheesy ass perfect in movies, but the good kind of perfect. As in if i am speaking too a room full of 20 of the closest people I know, only you would laugh. Because we are... perfect.

SEE. other people can look at this with puzzled faces. But only you would smile. i love you<3

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Convince me.

Convince me that in the morning I won't be surprised if i get the call. Convince me that you will never do it again. Convince me that I can get closer and closer and closer to you again without fearing that it will all end up with me sobbing. Convince me that we can be friends again, because i feel like it was washed away with each and every one. Convince me that i won't get that call for at least another 10 years. Convince me that i don't have to wake up in fear. Convince me that i don't have to flinch at each phone call. Convince me that every noise my moms computer makes when it gets an email i don't feel like i should cry. Convince me that after my mom gets off the phone and sighs i don't feel like hiding. Convince me. Please, convince me.


Is it me your talking about?
Who is 'she'?
Who is this whore you talk about when i'm not there?
Is it me?
Who is 'she'?
Who is this person that you feel your so jealous of you hate?
Is it me?
Who is 'she'?
I feel like its me, but i want to believe you that you still love me.
Who is 'she'?
Who is this girl that you wish to be?
Who is 'she'?
Please, who is she? Tell me before i lose it.
Is it me?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


"On your mark.. get set.. GO!" Is the last thing i hear before I am surrounded by water. Freezing water that sends warm shivers down my spine. My first thought is freezing, my second thought you may ask? Mermaid. I feel like a mermaid doing dolphin kick under water until my lungs bed for breath and i go up to the top streamlining and take my first two strokes before breathing, then it feels like the water is rolling off of me and I finish the lap, sad that the feeling is over before i know it.

Saturday, September 18, 2010


I was at school, got really dizzy and asked my social studies teacher if i could go to the nurse, she said yes and put on a smile and asked if i was okay. I looked at her with tears in my eyes i felt so bad and said no. She told me to just go. I ran down the hall into the bathroom and puked. I started crying my stomach hurt so bad. I went down to the nurse and told them what happened. My mom had to come pick me up. My mascara was rolling down in my face in black tears. If looking like that wasn't bad enough the passing period bell rang and i had to go to face my peers while i went to get my backpack. I kept my face down, people said hi and i waved. It was one of the most embaressing things ever. I got my stuff and my mom picked me up. I went home and threw up again. But what can i say other than i guess thats life?


Why would you do that to yourself? Why would you intentionally do that to yourself? Of all the people in my life, it had to be you. But i know how. You pulled yourself down further and further, convinced that you couldn't pull yourself back up. But now your so deep, that you're convinced no one can rescue you. Your drowning in your own bad thoughts. But you're not only hurting yourself if thats what you think is happening. You're hurting me. Not to mention the other people that love you.

Friday, September 17, 2010


Finally, you have seen me, life, and hockey i guess whats next is music am i right? ok I like a LOT of music. Most of its weird.. But its good. The only types of music I don't like is country :p, and soft crap like NSN. ehhh.
But here you go if you want some good music. For rap, i like Joe Budden, and Mr.Jones by Mike Jones. its not exactly rap but its good. And if you listen to Mike Jones, and you like it you got to listen to Kid Cudi start out with Pursuit of Happiness, then to Soundtrack 2 My Life and if you like that then you will like the rest of his songs.
Ok, for DJ I love dj music. that stuff is AMAZING. its just perfect. I can't explain how good it is. But here are what i like: DeadMau5, Daft Punk, TRV$ DJAM (i have one of his albums, Fix Your Face, and i can burn you a CD if you want) and Princess Superstar. all of them are really good.
For Modern Rock, Hockey is the best band you could ever hear. I also like TV on the Radio, The Fratellis, The Veronicas, and Silversun Pickups.
For just weird shit i loveeeeeee Atmosphere, Semi Precious Weapons (They are a gay band, it has a bit of screamo, but its just awesome) Ratatat, and Adam Sky Vs. Mark Stewart. thats my kind of music. Enjoy.

Want to hear about Life?


noun \ˈlīf\
a : the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead bodyb : a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beingsc : an organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction
Or in life, things can happen. Whether its good, bad, funny, or sad. Sometimes great things can happen. Sometimes horrible things can happen. Sometimes depressing things can happen. Or sometimes hilarious things can happen. But the important thing to remember is that everything happens for a reason. 
Say you eat a bad hot dog, you get extremely sick and you go to the hospital. Your puking everywhere. But then the doctor comes in. He is a substitute for your family doctor. But your his last patient. You guys fall in love and live happily ever after.
This has happened to people before, just the simplest things that happen can lead to the greatest things you would ever find.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Here is 50% of my life

The Blackhawks, don't get me wrong i love them. I am in love with half of the players. I do get to go to special events, my dad works for them for god sakes. No, he is not a player. He is a the PR for them. (public relations) so he gets to do a ton of work for Mr.Wirtz, they ended up becoming pretty close. But when my dad goes to all the games or special events, he works. I get to go some of the time and it is awesome. But it bugs the hell out of me when people either don't understand me and think I'm spoiled or they think i just go there and sit there. But no, I am some what close to some of the players. And i do love them, but i think i do because they are my life, and i don't have much of a choice.

Me, Myself, and I

I have always wanted to make a blog. I just had to decide what kind of blog? Their are blogs about music, blogs about people themselves, blogs about fashion, but i thought why not a blog about life? So here it is. Your everyday blog about life. I will tell you funny stories, sad stories, good music, what my life is about and who knows what else? I hope you enjoy. It took a lot of courage to make this and if you secretly discover it, i hope you love it a lot. Its a secret. And you are now one of the who knows how many that know about it?